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THIS TOOK TWO DAYS TO WRITE.

Because I was like… what do I even say without offending pretty much everyone.



Short and simple: stupid yaoi manga.

Yunho LOOKS like the definition of a seme, while Jaejoong LOOKS like a total uke.

Let me stress: LOOKS.

BUT THAT’S NOT HOW REAL LIFE WORKS??

Just ‘cause you look like a thing does not make you a thing.

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Let’s do this, organized-style:

- okay, so I’m gifing a 2009 episode of Zoom In and not to get all emoshinki, but the lawsuit was already secretly in motion at this point. The boys still lived together and they still went on talk shows together and still performed together. And so I’m halfway into the episode and everything seems super normal on the surface, but I got into DBSK after the split, so I can watch things blinders-free and go, “Oh, huh, in hindsight…”

Like, when the host brings up their family dynamic and tells the boys the viewers voted for Yunho to be the dad and Jaejoong to be the mom, Yunho seems more impressed by the drying lettuce on his plate.

This is the definition of yunjae to me?

Fans pushing for it and the boys indulging them while simultaneously curling into Yoochun and Changmin, respectively.

- a lot of the shipping is just… “OMG, they wore similar shirts last month! They’re totally real!!”

Yeah, well, Changmin and Jaejoong wore the same really ugly sweater last week. That’s because their stylists think really ugly sweaters are fashionable, not because jaemin are secretly butt-buddies. (MAYBE THEY ARE, IDK, I WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT.)

And like… there are pictures of jaechun wearing the same shirt (where you can tell it’s the exact same shirt because there are holes and stains because at least one of them is a slob) and these same shippers say, “Oh, well, of course, they all share.”

????

Let me remind you guys that Changmin told everyone Jaejoong doesn’t share, except:

"Yoochun and I have an agreement: my things are his, and his things are mine." [ x ]

- if you bring any of this up, yunjae shippers argue, “Yeah, well, maybe yunjae are trying to be subtle.”

Or maybe you’re missing what’s right in front of your nose, like me this morning, when I was looking for my phone by calling my phone with my phone.

Sometimes things are so obvious that you disregard them but how:

Jaejoong says, “Yoochun is my soulmate,” and people say “It’s just fanservice.”

Years later, Yoochun says, “Jaejoong is my soulmate,” and people say “Yunjae president 4lyf!!”

And since NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT THIS, did you know that, at the Dome, they were supposed to have solo performances? And that Jaejoong literally ASKED management if they could perform as a duo instead?

Which is how they wrote a Hello Kitty love duet together and sang it to each other and LITERALLY ANNOUNCED that they’re in love?

If you can watch that performance without shipping it, I really need to learn your secret, harvest your DNA, study your brain chemistry, because I can’t watch this video without melting all over my keyboard and getting really angry at everything because HOW CAN THIS EXIST OUTSIDE OF A DISNEY MOVIE.

- so they get matching tattoos and people say, “Aw, brothers! Hohoho, maybe Jaejoong has Yunho’s name tattooed somewhere we can’t see!”

Jaejoong gets tattoos where everyone can see; his chest, back, spine, shoulders. He takes off his shirt more often than I check my phone.

And this gets swept under the rug so much but here’s your uke killer, from the guy who inked all of Jaejoong’s tattoos, on the day Jae dragged Yoochun to get the AKTF tattoo: “Jaejoong usually behaves like a child, but due to Yoochun’s presence, he appeared more manly.” [ x ]

I could write a separate essay on why I don’t think Jaejoong’s an “uke” or Yunho’s a “seme” (and I fucking hate those terms and they need to be retired when talking about real people), but I HAVE TO FOCUS:

- realistically, how can you think Jaejoong would ever ever leave someone he loves. He would’ve stayed with Yunho if he’d ~loved him enough, no matter how hard. Because it was IMPOSSIBLE for JYJ in the beginning—they were labeled everything from greedy traitors to lying untalented hacks and they’re STILL, four years later, even after winning the lawsuit, shunned by broadcasters and generally treated like shit in Korea even though they literally sell out 150,000 tickets INSTANTLY—

Where was I going with this.

Right. Jaejoong stayed with Junsu and Yoochun through all of that.

So it’s not like Jaejoong’s a quitter. He fights hard for what he wants or loves.

AND BEFORE I FORGET: Yunho’s the same way. I don’t understand why he stayed with SM but what I do understand is how much he loves Changmin.

Not because he’s literally always saying he loves Changmin or because he looks at him like he’s sunshine some times and other times like he wants to microwave him for eleven seconds and spread him on a bagel, but because he successfully rebuilt TVXQ with just the two of them. Because he let Changmin transition from being the maknae to being an equal partner.

Because all five of them are happy, even after the split, BECAUSE THAT SHIT HAPPENS IN LIFE. You work and live with your friends and you love them and sometimes, they leave, or you leave, and you move on because you only have one life and you can’t dwell on shit forever. And sometimes you get back together and sometimes you don’t and ALL OF THAT IS OKAY.

And maybe they’ll accidentally run into each other in Japan next month and grab a beer and Changmin will order water for Junsu and make fun of him for two hours and Yunho will give Yoochun crap about his hair, WHO KNOWS. It doesn’t matter. They had a lot of happy years together but that’s gone and THAT’S LIFE. They’re happy and healthy and none of them is alone. (Not even Junsu.)

Basically. My whole point here is, when you, in 2013, obsessively ship yunjae, you’re not shipping Yunho and Jaejoong.

You’re shipping cartoon characters with no personalities; blank paper dolls you think look cute together.

It borders on disrespectful. When you ignore everything they are, at their core; their actual relationships, their histories, their words and actions, you aren’t showing them love. When you show up at airports with yaoi banners and bad manips, when you scream Yunho’s name at JYJ performances, when you make Yunho sign yunjae fanart, when you spam them on twitter so bad they delete their accounts, when you hack into their profiles looking for ~proof, how the hell are you showing them love?

Just today, management sent out a memo to fans saying ONLY Jaejoong/JYJ-related things will be allowed at the next fanmeet and guess why. Because even Jaejoong’s getting fucking fed up with this shit and he’s the mellowest about fanservice. Rule number one of fandom is: we don’t talk about fandom OUTSIDE of fandom.

If some lady walked up to you every four steps, at the supermarket, in the bathroom, by the parking meter, and was like, “OH MAH GAH, that boy you sat next to in third grade, oh my god, you guys were so cute together, I drew you having sex, please sign this and tell me how in love you are with him, oh my god, you should sooo be together,” you’d call the fucking cops.

Idols have to grin and bear it.

So if you want to ship seme/uke stuff, go read manga. If you want to blatantly ignore things that could possibly be real because they don’t fit your typical yaoi ideals (man, jaechun especially don’t fit yaoi standards and cliches, hence why it’s such an underdog ship), please do it in your own tags.

- let me just throw in a couple of non-wordy things because this got so wordy, wow:

If you think homin and jaechun haven’t been relevant since the very beginning, this is Yunho and Changmin at the start

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this is them now

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jaechun at the start:

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jaechun now:

…actually, fuck, no, I have seven folders of jaechun, so just load any NII behind-the-scenes video and if you can go 30 seconds without finding a shippy thing, please link me, ‘cause it’ll be a video I’ve never seen.

And here’s your whole group dynamic in one pic, bye:

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